Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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