Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
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