I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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