I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
