i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
