did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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