I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
