The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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