everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just invented taco cereal.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were trust falling into bushes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
