dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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