I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
