Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize