I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
