I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize