My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it's great music for shaving your balls
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
