I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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