Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
