Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
