I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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