u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
