the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
