I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
