I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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