i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
