my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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