It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
