so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
