I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
