I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
