i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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