Who did Billy Mays play for?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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