guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
