The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
