also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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