Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
