This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
