im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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