dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
