And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
