it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
