am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
