it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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