Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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