you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize