Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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