so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have tasted many bathrooms
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
