I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
