he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
