I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
