I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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