My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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