how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
