I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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