I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
40s are totally the cure
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize