Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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