If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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