I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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