I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
