Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
