that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
...so i touched it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
