Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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