Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
