I wish I could teleport
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
