I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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