What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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