It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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