you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize