Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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