did you get engaged???
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
