You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
be right there i have to get my cape
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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