i just wanna soil my oats bro
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
