What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
