There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Randomize
