so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
